I feel like your story is similar to what I am experiencing. I really try to please everyone, and then when I can't I feel horrible. When I don't succeed at being perfect I get so down, anxious, and feel so helpless. I feel like I have nothing to offer this world. I've slowly started self-medicating just to anestatize myself so I can stop hearing my critical thoughts telling me how bad a person I am and now getting into worse and worse things. I tried meth for the first time a few days ago. Thankfully I wasn't super amazed with it, but not feeling tired all the time was pleasant. I always swore I would never try meth because of how horrible it is for your body, bit as usual when feeling bad and just wanting my inner voice to shut up I don't listen to the parts of the voice that are healthy. I'm heading down a path to ruining everything in my life, but when in those moments I don't care about anything but getting peace.

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