Since the age of 5 years old.
I was publicly ridiculed and shamed for being a male rape victim, but I wasn't a victim anymore when I chose to get better over years slowly to let go and control and conquer my hellish time in my childhood. I will continue to experience panic attacks with vivid hallucinations that followed being beaten and controlled repeatedly by 4 offenders that I trusted. I was a naive boy and I didn't deserve any of it. I find peace by making people smile. I am very funny and likeable on the outside what I post is my cloudiness from painful memories resurfacing. It gets very bad at very trying times, but I am the only one who can make it go away faster or easier.

I can't control when or how it shows up. I try not to damage anything and I've done very well over the years. I've not dated, found out I am transgendered and finally very comfortable with my body and the body I identify with and accepting man hood too in the mean time. I learned to let go negative people and help others in need being more mindful in the real world not online.

My point is, I'm aware your statement on everyone's observations on my posts. I did that from the get go. I needed an escape while my abusive ex who I didn't realize when it happened that she broken up with me and I was trapped in my own head and blamed others and not taking responsibility her actions weren't right either neither of us were perfect, but I never drank liquor so much to hit the crap out of someone I cared for she did that to me. It felt freeing that I won't let anyone control me period. I didn't let my own issues now or vices or sex desire to keep me close to someone or wanting to feel loved even if it meant lots of suffering.

It's hard to express myself online I can only do my best. Please don't be too harsh. You weren't before or anyone for that matter of just saying.