Hi rr13. I am so sorry for what you endured and experienced abuse as a child. No one should have to go through it. But it sounds like you are a survivor and aiming to deal with it. But it is hard without a therapist and guide. Therapy is covered by most medical insurance, medicaid, and affordable care act insurance.

you said
This is so common in survivors of abuse. The same indifferent person seems to be someone that people gravitate towards as if they were hoping to change the past, which can never be done.

I too have felt a lack of self esteem and trust. Psych Central has many more compassionate people than the world in general, or at least it seems that way to me.

I never felt loved until I started caring about others more or at least as much as myself. I bet there are others on the forum survivors of abuse or self esteem that are asking questions you could answer. It is surprising how much love I felt when I started trying to be there for other people. You can lose nothing by trying and you just may find that the love you are seeking is here all the while, hiding in the cries of a person looking for compassion and caring.