the pain, the depression, the anxiety, the exhaustion. so sick of it all. i'm fed up. sick and tired of being sick and tired. i feel useless and hopeless. and i hoped so badly that when lawyer and i met with labor board mediator that part of this weight would be off of me. but the company low-balled me so the mediation was adjurned. and now i have to go thru all this medical BS all over again. i fell apart right there in the mediation room in front of everyone. i was embarassed and pissed off all at the same time. how dare they pretend their is nothing wrong with me! medical records, test after test, doctor after doctor, right there in my file stating otherwise. then try to insult me with such a measely offer. they took my life from me! they took my ability to work, my ability to function in the everyday. i am just so tired. tired of fighting. tired of worrying. tired of the pain that consumes me both mentally and physically. i dont know how much fight i have left in me. how much more i can take. called my doctor for emergency appt. will see him this week. my meds aren't helping me anymore. i have sunk further into this depression and having multiple panic attacks daily. the physical pain is worsening as well. i feel consumed. like i am the the pit of a monster's stomach. it has swallowed me just to feel me squirm around on its insides for laughs. my life as i once new it is lost forever. never to be seen or enjoyed again. so where do i go from here? what is there left? the real me is gone. i cannot find her, i have lost her.

recluse1