Songbird ... I'm so sorry to hear you going through all this.

I know how it is as well as I went through this when I was married.

I read a book by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil on adultry...and it always happens for a reason. It was a great insight for me and I actually ended up calling her and going to therapy there with (my at the time husband) for 2years.

Your husband doesn't have the right to say no to therapy and getting help if he wants things to work. He did something very wrong and he needs to do everything in his power to make it right with you.

It's his reasponsibility and unfortunately if the situation is making him feel worse of course he'd like it to go away. It's easier for him, but the reality is "his actions" caused the pain. He needs to be less concerned about his feelings at the moment and much more directed towards yours.

My ex wouldn't allow for me to talk about his affair beccause he couldn't handle how it made him feel. If I did ... I'd "pay" for it later with his actions.

He had a wonderful coping mechanism of putting what happened "away". Problem is it's like an elephant in the room and if not dealt with it will definately always be there for you.

Reading that book I mentioned enabled me to see the "why's" in our situation.

It helped me understand a lot.

I wish you the best and I really hope that you can get where you need to be in this situation.

If 2 ppl want to work it out and commit to that ...that's the beginning of going "up" and that therapist said many times an affair is a huge wake up call to opening the door on what the real problems are. Both ppl have to want this and to "work" towards it.

Take care
~E