I went to see my doctor yesterday because my whole body has been trembling for over a month and it seems to get worse as the goes on. I also get lightheaded and nauseous along with it. My blood pressure is borderline and I've been taking meds for it. When I'm in the worst part of these daily episodes, my BP is higher than normal.
First thing they do is get you on that d*** scale. Then take your BP (which was perfectly normal). The Dr. comes in and within 2 min was scolding me that I had gained 10 lbs in the past 6 months.
I am fat. I know this. I've known it forever. My mother has told me that for 54 yrs. Actually, I was pretty much an "average" weight - near normal for my height through college. Then between college and about 35 I gained maybe 20-25 lbs. Starting after 35, about the time I first started psych meds for depression, I began a cycle of weight gain that never stopped. I gained about 85-90 lbs since then.
However, for the last 4 years, after I saw a nutritionist, I started to change my eating habits. Turns out I wasn't eating enough. I was eating between 1000- and 1100 calories a day. So I had to work at upping it to 1400-1500.
I also discovered that I only lose weight if I get down to 800 calories/day, but I know that's not good. I use the app My Fitness Pal to record everything I eat and try to keep to their recommended Carb, fat, protein, etc. goals.

I've tried exercising many times and gave up because nothing, absolutely nothing happened. I tried "Curves", 5 days/week, for 2 months straight. I even did the circuit twice. NOTHING. Then I started to get almost daily migraines so I quit. I had a bowflex at home. did that every morning for 30 min. for over 1 year. NOTHING. Wii fit for 60 min/day 7 days/week for 2 months. NOTHING. Those are just in the last 10 yrs.

So back to the Dr. and the scolding. I tried to tell her what I eat and about the app, and explain what my breakfast smoothie is (210 cal., 19 gm Protein). All she says is "sugar, sugar, sugar". Do you know how much sugar is in plain greek yogurt?! I couldn't say anything. I was devastated. She continued. "You have to exercise! Get that cardio going! No processed foods"
But, I don't eat fast food. I eat fresh fruit, fresh or frozen veggies, we rarely go out to eat. I cook everything. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
She basically negated everything I tried to do with my diet and told me it didn't matter.
I have a horrible body image problem. I feel like either not eating at all or stuffing myself with all the crap I haven't eaten in years, until I explode and die.
I won't eat in crowds because I hear people whispering about the fat chick with a plate of food, how gross is that! I'll stop there because I would go on forever with that.

I'm sorry this post got so long. If you got through this whole thing, thank you for reading.
I have to go get blood drawn for a battery of tests the Dr. wants. Kinda don't want to.
Who cares if the fat chick is sick. Fat people don't deserve medical help until they lose weight. Sorry, can you tell I'm a tad upset?