Hi AmyCake. I am so sorry for the abuse you endured and experienced as a child. No one should have to go through it. But it sounds like you are a survivor and aiming to deal with it. But it is easier with a therapist and guide.

The grief you are talking about is real to me. It was for me letting go of the deeply held hope that my parents would become nurturing people and accept me the way I am. It is very difficult for me to acknowledge that they will not have empathy or a change of heart in their lifetime. For me, those people who accept me have been people at Psych Central.

I too have felt a layer of grief as well as lack of self esteem and trust. Psych Central has many more compassionate people than the world in general, or at least it seems that way to me. It has helped the healing process.

It is surprising how much love I felt when I started trying to be there for other people. You can lose nothing by trying and you just may find that the love you are seeking is here all the while, hiding in the cries of a person looking for compassion and caring.

Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.
http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.