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Old Jun 09, 2015, 12:06 PM
SeekingPerspective SeekingPerspective is offline
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Member Since: May 2015
Location: Colordao
Posts: 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by rr13 View Post
So after doing some reading online this morning, I think another big problem I have from childhood, which is still affecting me as an adult, is that I was emotionally neglected by my parents. I only have one sibling, a brother, a year and a half older. He started drinking at the age of 9 (we had a bar in our basement growing up) and started doing drugs in junior high. He spent his entire teenage and college years and adult years in and out of jail, getting fired from every job, stealing from my parents, etc. My parents spent the majority of my childhood into my 20's literally ignoring me because they were so focused on bailing my brother out of jail or dealing with him in general.

I've always compared myself to that psychology experiment with the monkees who had the wire mother and the cloth mother. I've always felt disconnected and had a hard time just talking to people, and I think it's because I wasn't taught how to show emotions growing up, and when I did show them, I was put down for having them. I was always criticized for being overly sensitive. My parents made it very clear that I wasn't important enough to care about, that my brother's problems would always come first. So in addition to having low self esteem from being verbally abused, I also never felt loved or that I even mattered to my family. I think this has stuck with me, especially since even now my parents still show me thru their actions that I don't matter to them. I think as much as you try and give yourself the love that you need, no one ever completely gets over feeling like their parents didn't love them.

I've ordered a couple books on amazon this morning relating to overcoming this issue and just healing in general for adults who lived in dysfunctional families. I'm hoping this will help me until I can afford professional therapy.
Being ignored by a parent is just as damaging as being abused. I was abused and ignored. My parents put their energy into my younger sister. She was going to be the star (for a lack of a better word) and it hurt. Someone telling you, you're sensitive is the same as, shut-up. Your not overreacting your feelings matter. Sounds like your Parents don't know how to love or show emotion. A personality like this, would see anyone as too sensitive! I'm sorry your brother had issues and it consumed your parents. The fact that your reaching out for advice, demonstrates how strong you are. It also says, your don't want to repeat this pattern of abuse. Counseling is awesome! Books are really helpful too. When I desperately needed counseling, I found an office that could bill me based on my current income (sliding scale). My visits were $15. I too, had worked out a lot on my own, but it was helpful just to talk someone and be heard. Sending light and love.
Thanks for this!
Bill3