I know how you feel. I'm doing a lot better now that I'm on meds again. Have you considered taking medication. I use to have to do certain rituals involving door handles. And how things have to be arranged. I had to count all ceiling tiles in both directions before I could pay attention in class. Everything had to be alligned. If on thing was straight all had to be straight. I could only use certain staircases and pathways depending on where I was going. I had to count certain stairs and if I accidently started counting something I'd have to count the same thing everytime I passed it.

That's a few of the main ones. As you well know you can never remember all of them. I just wanted to remind you though that you arn't alone, and you might want to consider medication. I had been off of it for a year but OCD started to get full swing for me in college and I just couldn't do it. It's been a very worthwhile decision.. despite two weeks of hell getting used to the meds.

All I can say is try to stay safe and good luck. I know how hard this is.

(((((((((hugs))))))))