thank you everyone for your replies... i think a few days to think this over has made it all feel less unmanageable... it just hit me completely out of the blue ya know...

but having thought it over and read through the posts here, i realise that knowing things about T, good and bad, is probably overall a good thing... i know i do totally idolize her... want the best for her and assume her life is perfect... want it to be perfect i guess... and of course that is not going to do me any good in the long run...

i will try and talk to her about this stuff when she is back from vacation... 6 days and counting!

thank you all again, getting other peoples views is so helpful...

take care... Nikki x