So, I have been thinking about your posts for a while and I feel like I know you. I feel bad that you were doing so well, then relapsed. If memory serves, I think it was learning your weight, perhaps in relation to how much your daughter weighs?

Anyway, I was thinking about the need to fill out the Medicare (caid? I always screw them up) forms and how you had to put in a number. I was solving this problem for you in my head. Because I like to fix other people, not myself You had said that you knew you were losing weight and that knowing the weight triggered you. And I was confused. I was thinking, well, sure - you had been triggered originally by knowing your weight was too high, but how could you be triggered by losing weight?! I figured it had to be an ana thing - competition to be the thinnest, etc.

Then I was suffering from terrible stomach pains at night. they were waking me up and my mouth was watering. A friend of mine innocently asked, "are you hungry? - are they hunger pains?" And I thought no! how could that be. I am eating. Not purging. I couldn't possibly be hungry. But, the next morning, I decided to weigh myself. I don't do that because I always expect the number to be huge, and then if it is, I can become a basket case. But I did. And it turns out, I unintentionally lost some weight. And the first thing I did was start doing the math in my head. If I lost x more, my bmi would be x. And if I lost x-x, my bmi would be ....

And then it hit me. So this is what butterfli means when she says that having a low number can be triggering.

So, sorry you're struggling. And I hope you figure out how to live without your parents and eating appropriate sized meals to sustain your health. But thanks for teaching an old dog something new.