Well, I didn't have to bring it up to have answers.

This all happened on Saturday... nothing heard on Sunday... Then I had an appointment scheduled for Monday and he text that morning saying he had responded to my text on Saturday but didn't hit send. For a brief moment, I had a little relief because he quoted his reply from Saturday which had been "get your meds and after thy calm you think but what your going to do" ????? My text to him was that I was 'terrified' because the neighbor didn't want me to call the Fire department but called some guys he knows. They showed up with beer in hand and told me not to worry about the smell and alarms going off in my home.. I have a problem with not doing what people tell me to do and now I felt trapped that I had to sleep in a place that the fire/CO alarms had been going off for 30 minutes, fumes were so toxic I couldn't walk in for more then 3 seconds. My T knows my issue with not listening to people and making them feel bad if I were to do something other then what they said. I DARED risk finishing the text with "i'm scared" and he also knows I don't tell anyone that. All he had to say was take your panic meds and then think about what to do. My little relief was that he sent the text when he realized it hadn't gone through and finished it asking how I was now? I then started trying to figure out if he honestly got worried about me and wanted to check on me (which I he got worried I would have assumed he would have checked on Sunday after I slept in it).... then it dawned on me that I bet the reason he noticed he hadn't sent the message was because he was wanting to reschedule that days appointment and felt he had to at least ask how I was before he sent that part. So I waited to a reply to my "fine" response to him (I mean, what do I say if he doesn't care).... and I was correct.. He wanted to reschedule for today instead of yesterday. Not like I had a bad weekend or anything!
When we had our session today, he asked what happened and I told him I slept in there with vents open. He asked something else and I told him the truth.... when you get to a certain point, the silver lining is you only care 50/50 if you wake up or not. In later conversation about people caring, I did tell him that all my life I only had one person that ever cared. He knew the name and he mentioned the fact that she was an abuser and I honestly answered that there was a price for everything and at least there had been one person. I don't know if he understood or not and I don't care how many of you think I am just trying to escape confrontation, but my biggest problem all my life is that I can't hurt people. So, no.... I can't tell him how bad it hurt because I know him well enough to know that would hurt him and him being hurt doesn't change that I was.

I want to keep going and have him realize and all of a sudden care and be there for me. I made myself turn it off though and I don't know what to do now. I am glad none of you know who I am so I can say these things otherwise I couldn't tell anyone.

I hate all this.