I'm sorry I didn't answer this right away, I hope you'll still see it.

I've had occasional thoughts that I'm not straight since high school but I've never had a real relationship with a woman. At one point I tried to but I really picked the wrong woman and nothing happened in the end which in that case was definitely for the best. So I have only been with men sexually, a few before I was married (nothing long-term) and then I was married for over ten years. Before I was married (and when I was first married) I found sex physically painful and definitely unenjoyable though I did kind of like receiving oral sex. After I was married a while I didn't find sex painful anymore but the best it ever got was "I guess I can sort of see why people enjoy this." That said I did feel that I was sexually attracted and/or in love with men, including my ex-husband, though I did realize I was failing in the sex department.

After I was divorced I learned to well, please myself, and realized that I had never really been very excited during sex at all. These days I usually look at images of women when I'm aroused but I have used images of men and male celebrity crushes too.

Since my marriage I had an on-again off-again online relationship with a man, and I definitely felt like I was attracted to him, but I also knew it was virtually impossible that I'd ever see him in real life.
Now I'm trying to meet women but I keep telling myself maybe I'm straight and shouldn't be doing it.