Granite,

I forgot to address what your t said about wasting time in therapy. I don't think your t means that you are wasting her time, as in that she doesn't want to be your therapist anymore, or doesn't want you to stay in therapy.

It sounds like she's noticed that when you get up the courage to share something hard or trust her more, then you get scared. So you focus on something else that gives you a reason to distance from her again and avoid that deep work. That is what I think your t means by wasting time. She is just saying that when you get scared and pull back, and find reasons to doubt her, that it's a distraction. It prevent you from continuing that deep and important work that you were doing before you got so panicky and terrified.

I'm not sure if I am explaining things well. . .

Please don't assume your t doesn't want to help you anymore. I've read your posts and she sounds like she really cares about you. Do your best not to shut down. Tell her how you feel. Keep talking. . .

Peaches