Quote:
Originally Posted by Lobster Hands
Ok, first off, I'm newly engaged after meeting the love of my life 
Just to fill you guys in a little bit, we've been together for about three months. Everything has been GREAT up until now and nothing has been too out of the ordinary....until now.
Incident one...
We're at a volunteer food place dropping off some cans for the poor. (no, that's not a normal thing we do...it was part of a work thing for her) She spots a glass jar of baby food, picks it up, and screams, "I can't live with this!" and throws it at the wall. Idk, there's obviously something going on deeper down, but I have never noticed things as dramatic as this.
I really don't get it though  I ask her about it and she says it was just a joke on the people working there. I don't believe her, she was distraught on the way home.
Oh, sorry, I forgot to add...that occurred about a week ago a day after I proposed.
Incident two...(actually multiple times this week)
Again, this is completely out of the ordinary behavior for her. She has been getting extremely angry and yelling about "people fixing store bought food with the wrong ingredients". The anger is clearly there but, again, when I ask her about it she plays it off like it's just a joke. (it clearly isn't)
Continuing on...these rage moments are really beginning to frighten us. (us = me and cat) I don't have a clue what to do I say my cat is upset too because I managed to catch him frozen in terror one day when she was yelling about the dry cat food I was using to feed my cat.
I don't know where this ends how can I continue on without actually knowing what's going on in her head? These are things that really have popped up out of nowhere.
Idk, just kinda need some advice guys really lost and confused here. I think about it everyday when I'm driving home from work..."what's going to happen tonight?" |
Hi Lobster Hands,
Wow. What a hard place to be in.
I'm not getting what it is she can't live with. She says it was a joke but you don't believe her. I agree she shouldn't be believed. That is pretty serious aggressive behavior for a joke and if you want to know, I don't think it's funny. Besides, how many jokes do people make that cause even them distress on the way home? Sounds like not a very funny joke in anyone's view, even hers.
Moving on, you have incident two. Except it's two
+ since it's happened
multiple times in a week.
And now these rage moments are really beginning to frighten you (me too, to tell the truth. I agree with your cat), which tells me this is a new thing that is looking uncomfortably like the new normal, especially since it is now something you literally fear daily as you are driving home from work.
Whatever was ordinary pre-engagement, it's sounding like either that is now out of the picture or something else has moved in, or more likely revealed itself, in these new circumstances. In any case, it is part of the picture now. Do you want a marriage that looks like this? (And you might ask, if this is what you've got since getting engaged, what happens after you're married?) It isn't likely to go away, and it didn't really come out of nowhere. Whatever it is and where ever it came from, she doesn't seem to be interested in addressing it any productive fashion, and this is over cat food (well, no, it's not over cat food or baby food, but she's not being real helpful in determining what it
is about)? What happens when there's a real problem?
Maybe you should show her those pictures and ask her if she wants to be the kind of person who has this kind of effect on people. And if she doesn't give a satisfactory answer to that, with accompanying changes, maybe ask yourself if this fits your definition of and desire for marriage. Because if she doesn't change and you don't break it off, this is what your getting.