And Granite-if you really can't get through this w her, there are always other T's to try. I doubt you've seen every one possible in your town. My story is nothing like yours, but I stayed w my previous therapist for over 5 years, and probably shouldn't have. I was always, always nervous to go in, and no matter how much I tried, or she tried (to the best of her ability), I could NOT work through my fear of opening up about anything shameful, most of all how I was borderline scared of her those 5 years.

I tried another T for awhile and that fizzled out too. Stayed stuck in the same patterns. I finally gave up on therapy for 2 years, and just recently saw a couple of them again. The first one I met with was ok, nothing special-and just didn't go back. The 2nd one I met w last week. She met w me for an hour and a half, and it FLEW by! She got where I was at really quickly, and afterwards I caught myself smiling. I am meeting her again this weekend, and am feeling positive about it. It was only one session, so I am not holding my breath on this therapist, but already it feels different.

Another part of my problem was that I just wasn't psychologically ready to talk about the stuff I've been avoiding. I'm not so sure I am really ready now either, but maybe that's where you are at? It's ok and not shameful to just not be ready to deal w all of this stuff.

From all the things you posted over the years, I do like your T, but try and really listen to your gut about if it's a right fit. Deep down I knew that maybe my old T wasn't exactly right for me, but I kept going and trying for a long time. It felt like it was ME bc I couldn't talk, and that IS part of the issue (a big part), but maybe another part was that we just didn't connect the right way for me to feel safe enough to be vulnerable l.