I've dealt with social anxiety since kindergarten (i'm starting my third year of college) and I've noticed I have more of an issue with trusting people than I initially thought. When people smile at me, I'm convinced their smile is not genuine and they're just doing it because they have to, because they don't want to seem foolish. When I'm speaking with someone, i'm constantly focused on their expressions, eye movements, tone of voice, looking for indicators of them lying to me. Most of the time i believe they're lying to me. Perhaps this is also an issue of hypersensitivity, I can't be sure. But when someone says "that's a great idea" or something similar to me, i'm assured by my brain that they're just agreeing with me to appease me. Everyone always says trust everyone until they give you a reason not to trust them, but I believe that inane; i prefer to trust no one until they give me a reason to trust them, which never happens so I suppose a more appropriate saying would be "Trust No one".

I feel as if i'm struggling against every person I've ever dealt with in my life; i consider their successes a failure within myself. I have the ability to feel happy for people, and i do in certain situations, but not often. If i do feel a genuine sense of happiness, i'll turn inward and chastise myself for the goals i didn't reach. I used to think my social anxieties were just something that was there, but the further I go in life the more i'm convinced i'm entirely incapable of trusting that some people do want to be around me or that not everyone is a liar, or that not everyone is succeeding in their life just to rub it in my face. It makes it even harder to talk to people because i'm so focused on them and their judgement of me.
I just can't ever be close to anyone the way they think they can be close to me.
Does anyone else relate?