Whenever I screw up, which is a lot, people are always saying it's okay. I have a hard time believing that they mean it. They are probably just saying it so they can look like they are the nice, sane, mature person in this interaction, and I'm the f***ed up villain.

I've played this game so many times before. I screw up, I apologize, they say it's okay and it's not a big deal, but later they're ranting online about how they were greatly bothered by this stupid girl who is absolutely useless and they always have to do more work because of her and "why don't they just fire her already?" Then they'll speculate about how I must have grown up spoiled rotten and if someone had given me a good beating I so richly deserve, I would know how to behave. I see those comments all the time on line. (No, not usually directed at me, but this is how people think behind their nice, forgiving faces.)

The worst part is, I can't accuse them of being mean, because I 100% deserve their anger. I'm the villain of the story, not them. I deserve every harsh word and every violent wish directed at me, because I'm not as smart or as hard working as they are.

I'm trying to do better, and I understand why they can't tolerate my problems. I understand I have to be much better in order to be accepted in the world. I don't think it will ever happen, though. So I shouldn't be mad at them for criticizing me. If I didn't want to be criticized, I should just stop screwing up.