P.P.S. I am sorry he took that learning through pain approach, but theoretically, I believe that approach is quite common and even well-supported in some psychoanalytical thought, that the goal is to let the client experience the pain of not having that father figure, in order to grieve the true loss and move forward, rather than trying to supplant what was missed through reassurance which can't fill the need.

The focus there can be letting you get in touch with those longings, frustrations, anxieties, etc. and then moving toward a place where you accept the shortcoming and learn to parent yourself and find other resources.