So as you probably know I've been struggling with depression since the start of the year with one inpatient stay for just over a month, released with a baseline of 3/10 which dropped even further about 3 weeks ago.

It was a definite triggered depression (work), which has now turned into a full blown depressive episode. I tried so much and tried to fight it, Im out of fight now, so just sitting it out. But I dont know if it will "cycle" back to baseline or if I go inpatient like my pdocs have been suggesting for the last 4 weeks and get medicated again.

I was trying to wean off my meds. Im down a little on them and I dont think it is affecting my mood too much. I've had a little extra anxiety but nothing unbearable. Its the depression that is unbearable.

Im not functioning at all, my partner doesnt want me to go to hospital, but then says Im too dependent on him. Im regularly suicidal and have taken overdoses and been self harming. Lately I have just been laying in bed, with a few hours up on the couch. All I can handle is feeding and rugging the horse, and that has me in tears because my body is lead and the horse makes me feel guilty for not riding her.

I dont really see the point of inpatient because they will just drug me which I am trying to move away from.

Any suggestions? Sorry its long.