I'm sorry to hear about the death of your mothermoody cow I can not imagine how traumatic this must have been for you.

Faced with extreme adversities and pain we all develop coping mechanisms at the time in order to try to numb the pain.

I think that you might be at a point now where you're evaluating how drinking has turned out for you over the last 8 months as you said: "at my witts end".

I agree with moogs opinion that being sober will stand you in good stead in the long run because you don't like what you're doing.

I second what avlady says, don't give up.

There is always hope!

*holding thumbs that this is now the positive step and change forward for you that will serve your own mental health well in the long run.

Thank you for sharing this.