Thank you for sharing Webgoji
I'm sorry that you have been struggling with this for so long. There's a multitude of factors going on and I just wanted to acknowledge for you I think that we all manifest how we wish our bond with others to be expressed and for you physical contact and verbal affirmations and when these needs are not being met yes I can forsee how these will present challenges.
My wish for you is that you are able to find some middle ground in order to get the much needed sense of peace that you deserve.