When I go a week without junk and then do the cheat day, I feel kind of sick. I feel like I am addicted to the crap. Just eating a little bit makes me want a lot more. I can't tell you how many times I have given up soda and failed. Just one drink in a restaurant and I am back to guzzling cans...

I am not sure that the weekend will really help me get to where I want to be, but what a wonderful reminder! Things just seemed so much clearer, what I wanted and didn't want. Not occupationally, exactly, more lifestyle.

The job, yeah, it's just blah at best and irritating at worst. It's not the worst job I've had - the nasty people are universally known to be nasty, so if I choose to ignore their demands, it just gets sucked up into a political power play that is much bigger than I am. The work itself is mostly tedious, 95% tactical, 5% strategic, and the strategic stuff takes MONTHS to push through. It just doesn't even feel worth the effort.

I had lunch with the friend who brought me to this place to compare notes. We're both on the same page. I can't tell you how much better that makes me feel - and we both have the same struggle with letting go. She told me that now she just puts it out there, makes a recommendation, then lets it go. It's as hard for her to do that as it is for me. We also both wonder how much of our experience is related to being female in a 98% male organization. You just can't participate in the same way.

I swear that my boyfriend *aims* for people on the sidewalk. Not on purpose, but subconsciously (he does not think he does this). I think it started when we were traveling and kept running into tourists from a certain country who would not move an inch. He decided to just do the same and it turns out you slam right into them, LOL.

I feel okay walking on the sidewalk. I don't really like bumping into people, so if I have to move, that's all right. If I don't feel like moving and brush against someone, that's all right too. I don't think slamming into people is a good idea, but I can see how someone might prefer that. You could always give it a try and see which you like best Your work situation provides a lot of food for feeling invisible...

Did you ever get your mother's visit over with?