Holy cow! You are all so awesome - I am really pleased to have such advice and such nice welcome too... I took my first dose last night, mainly felt good about it thanks to you all Im not sure if it is in my head- but i already feel a sense of calm and peace / happy feelings. Is that possible? lol. Placebo effect perhaps... I guess I also just have a sense of relief that I am more in control of things now.

-Beyondtherainbow: Wow! Thank you for sharing that and Im sorry you had to go through it. I had a really bad reaction to Penicillin about a week after taking, rash all over my body, itchy as hell and needed steroids to counter it. (never realized at the time i might be BP....not sure if it caused mania for me but that is interesting to note). So, it sounds like this rash is even worse with burning and i will watch out esp on my face. However, now i realize i should just be cautious but not overly paranoid. so thanks again!

~Christina: Do you have experience with Lamictal? I wonder if it will help me- since part of what I realize was happening is lots of negative thoughts, and they would lead to tons of paranoia which it seems if it does work on the depressive side, perhaps it might help me to avoid these dangerous 'rage attacks'. I feel like perhaps i was in denial of major depression, because i tended to pretend i was fine and put on a happy front for all. However, those close esp my clinicians know the real deal. I will stay alert to the fact that it might not help the mania aspect, but so far i feel pretty good/chill and happy

Thanks all! Will keep you posted, and am much more relaxed about the 'rash'.