I think your T. is handling it in your best interest. There are many T's who will fulfill the parental role - reassure/validate/comfort/be affectionate and then there are many who don't. I think it has to do with the client's needs/personality, the T's temperament and the issues. Unfortunately, none of us are you, with your Ts and your issues so we might not have the best advice. I used to ask people how their T's dealt with it and compare it to my T. It really hurt our relationship and made it hard for me to trust my T.

I have MET with my T. who does not reassure or validate. She never has and it comes up quite often. She won't validate because she doesn't think I should rely on others to know if my feelings are acceptable. She asked me last session why I need someone to tell me how to feel. It's very tough but I understand why she doesn't. And, I do think if she reassured often I would seek it a lot more. She does reassure every once in awhile but not usually when I'm flat out asking for it.

I came to a conclustion about a month ago that might help you in the long run. I realized that I was stuck focusing on the transference instead of the actual reason for being in therapy. After a year of discussing the transference I realized that it felt "good" to discuss it (the connection and postiive feelings towards someone else even if it felt very irrational and overwhelming) but I didn't feel good talking about my mom. I found that when I talked about my mom, my T. usually challenged me and i wouldn't feel the connection - it would stir up all the negative feelings inside me.

I don't think you're there yet. I know how overwhelming it can all feel and how immediate it feels to want to talk all about these crazy feelings. So, to answer your question my T. let me talk about it for a year. But, it would be related to my mom. So, a conversation might go like me telling her that I felt she was frustrated last session with me and then we would relate it to my mom and my past. Early on it was all about my needs and how she couldn't fulfill them - she can't be my mom. There were so many days of tears and longing. I would think of something I wanted my T. to do (tell me she cares), realize it's something my mom didn't give me and then cry for a few days. It was awful but I think I was mourning not only what I didn't get but also what I won't get from my T. I have to seek that out in someone else or within my self.

We are talking a lot more about my mom but the transference probably still comes up every session. Last session she was challenging me on forgiving my mom. I felt horrible and shut down. I've now realized that I felt like she was telling me to forgive so I wouldn't have to come any more to therapy - that she didn't want to deal with me anymore. Typical mom stuff (abandonment) which I plan to discuss next week.

And, it's like there are two parts of the transference. The "in love" part towards my T. and then the way I react to her due to my mom. She once told me that my feelings towards her are probably part transference and part just feelings towards her. Hang in there. As you figure things out - why you're having these feelings, what roles your T's are filling from your past, it will get easier to manage. I do think it's important that they listen to you and accept the transference. And, it is a huge too for them to work with and a large way for you to learn about yourself!