Well this post is going to be a bit of a tearful rant, I like you guys so I'll try to be brief.

My pdoc of the last 6 months seems ok and was recommended by my T (whom I am very happy with) so I've been keeping all of my appointments with pdoc etc...

I've been looking forward to seeing pdoc today because when you're as depressed as I am even paying someone to be kind to you for 15 minutes is a highlight of the week.

So I went today and I was pretty sure he was going to up my meds another notch so I'll be closer to the target doses which gives me a tiny ray of hope to hold onto.

Well he knows lack of money has been the theme of my life for the past 4 years since my ex checked-out of our life and works under the table to avoid child support. So what does my pdod say to me today..... He reveals to me that he pays his ex-wife $4,000 a month in child support and alimony and it gets better, she just bought a new house in one of the wealthiest communities in our state. Oh, and did I mention she's a shrink too????? I have to budget to pay this doc and it's nice to know where my money goes, aaargh!

So out of MY 15 minute appointment I had to spend 4 minutes listening to him and how generous he is with his ex and kids. How idiotic and clueless can a person be?

At the end of the appointment he tells me that he's not upping my meds HE wants to give it a little more time. There goes my ray of hope.

I have a very hard time speaking up for myself in front of men when I'm so depressed so I just took it (What a wimp). I managed to get out the front door before I burst into tears.

Needless to say I have a message into my T for new referrals.

Love you guys, thanks for listening.

Loth