Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
I dont know what the OP wants to be reassured about? Its not exactly reassuring to talk about transference fantasies - its more the opposite for me. It eventually becomes reassuring in that i become more reality based and make better decisions for myself, take better care of myself.
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To answer this question (because it's quicker to respond to than some of the other posts!): Basically be reassured that he is there for me and won't reject me, even if I express my true self and feelings/emotions to him. From the time we started seeing him about 2 years ago (it's been off and on since then), he's someone I've felt particularly "safe" with, moreso even than my individual T. Since the transference surfaced like 6-7 months ago, felt a little less safe, worried about how he'd react if he knew my feelings (which at the time were probably more erotic than paternal, or at least I thought so).
When I shared those feelings with him in March, it was scary, because would he push me away and say he couldn't work with me anymore because of them? But he was accepting and normalizing about the feelings. For some reason, in the past couple weeks, I felt more need for reassurance. I think maybe because I realized that I love him (more paternal at this point), which scared me and tends to be a scary emotion for me. So I wanted him to know that and that he still accepted me and wouldn't push me away after being honest with him.
When we talked Friday, when I confessed the love feelings, it felt like he was being very accepting, telling me he wasn't going anywhere, wouldn't reject me, etc. Then after our conversation yesterday, I no longer feel safe with him and feel like what he said then contradicted what he said Friday and that he's trying to push me away.
And much of this goes back to some stuff in my past, like much transference does, with being abandoned by another "male authority figure" (not my dad) around when I was 18. But also my dad was never emotionally available to me when I was younger, plus both he and my mom seemed to reject the parts of me that had mental illness (anxiety, OCD, and later, depression), so I didn't really feel accepted in my feelings and myself by my parents.
So I guess I'm sort of hoping to heal that part of myself now through this relationship with MC by working through it, but now I feel like I'm not being allowed to do that, if that makes sense. Yes, I can talk to my T about stuff, but much of what I read about transference suggests that you should work with the object of the transference about it.
OK, that was much longer than I meant it to be...