Hi, I probably need a bit of help. I believe I have some traits in common with C-PTSD, although I didn't see anybody about it. I don't think it's neccesary in my case.

I have a problem with what probably could be described as intrusive memories. Most often there is a trigger of some sort, often found in media or literature. Someone trapped powerless in a painful situation with no way out. It also happens when I see a connection between my past and my own reactions. I get agitated, pace back and forth in a cloud of helpless rage, then sink into depression and all those memories come flooding in, seeming very real and I'd cry the night away until I fell asleep from exhaustion. Thankfully I've been able to manage it better over time and mostly snap out of it in just over an hour now, but I'm still exhausted and shakey for a day or two afterwards. The weirdest thing is that I end up being drawn to the known triggers and stubbornly go back to them over and over until I don't react anymore - to that particular instance, which is not a big help overall. There are some things too powerful that even I avoid, though (nice to see I have at least some common sense.) I'm just weird that way - if I'm afraid or uncomfortable with something, I feel a strong need to keep trying until it's not an issue. Often it plays to my advantage. Sometimes it does not.

Trusted people around help a lot - it just takes one second, one look to see they're calm, something dosen't add up and I realize everything is OK. Sometimes I scrap enough willpower to call somebody on the phone - the moment I hear them I return back to reality and I'm fine, often I don't even tell them why I called. I also have an insane need to retell my story over and over again, I mostly resort to places online and limit myself to a rough outline. I don't want to burden my friends too much - once is enough.

All of this started about a year after I moved out of the house five years ago. I had to work quite a lot on myself to be able to even function, but I'm already in a rather good place. I don't have trouble sleeping and mostly turn my nightmares into victories by sheer will (no, you're not going to trap me because I can FLY), I have a few amazing people around. It's just this - the memories that trouble me. How can I get done with it?