Oh no! Winterglen, this makes me so sad. It sounds like you may have been surrounded by really unkind, unloving people who were useless in helping you see the beauty and value that you bring into the world. I'd be willing to bet money that you were not in any way stupid, that you had a lot to offer, but that you were surrounded by really dumb grown-ups who didn't do a good job of validating your strengths.

We've ALL got some things we're naturally really great at, and other things that we naturally are pretty rotten at. That doesn't make us stupid at all. It just means we need to learn where our strengths lie, how to use them, and figure out how to work around our weaknesses. This is true for *EVERYBODY* on the planet, honest!

See, none of this screams "stupid" to me. When I read that, I see someone who is helpful, thoughtful, responsible, fair, and wants to carry their own weight. There are a lot of people who aren't like that, who would have been thrilled to let their co-worker do all the work.

Not knowing what needs to be done, or how to do it, does NOT make you stupid. It might mean that you haven't learned these things! I don't know how to change the oil in my car, but I'm not stupid - I just never learned to do that. Same thing here.

I do have a suggestion. Now that you know a little bit about what happens for closing, next time you need to close, you might want to mention to your co-worker earlier in the evening that you want to learn. Something like, "Hey there co-worker! I'm so glad we get to close together tonight. I'd really like to better understand what needs to be done, so would you mind walking through what we need to do with me, so I can learn, and letting me try to do some of it?"

Hopefully, your co-worker helps you understand what gets done, and then watches you do it, and corrects you if there's a mistake. None of this is about being stupid, it's how we learn to do things! That way, next time you close, you've got a better idea of what has to happen, and after a couple tries, you'll be the one getting everything done 30 minutes early

Again, that is not an indication of stupidity, just of being human and trying to learn something new. It happens to everyone at some point. That's how we learn!

Why do you think it wasn't OK? Is it possible that it really, truly was fine - that she's done the closing routine so many times, that it was in no way a burden for her, and she really didn't give it a second thought?

Think of this another way. What if it WAS really hard and burdensome, and she really wanted you to help out. Don't you think she would have let you know, and asked for help earlier in the evening? Like, "Hey Winterglen, we've got to close tonight. There's a lot to get done, and I can't do it all myself. Have you ever done the closing-inventory-emergency-preparedness-quick-count? No? OK, let me explain how it's done... then if you could do that at exactly 9:45, I can handle the locks and registers, and we'll be out by 10!"

See, I think if it was a burden for her, you would have known, because she would have asked for help. If she didn't ask for help, it's pretty safe to assume she was fine doing everything and didn't feel slighted by having to do it all herself!

Why do you think that? Again, do you think it's possible she just wanted to do things early so they'd be done, and you guys could head out on time? Or because she was bored and didn't have anything else to do?

I think you're interpreting things in a way that would make anyone feel really worthless and depressed, but I think there's a good chance that your interpretations are not correct! And, that means that you're making yourself feel really awful - for no real reason! I have done this a LOT in my life... but it's something you can learn to overcome. You just need to start noticing how you interpret things, then ask yourself (or the other person, if they're open to these things) if that's real/true. And, believing them when they answer.

So, if you apologized to your co-worker for not helping out, and told her that you felt bad... and she says, "Oh no problem. I close all the time and know how to get through everything quickly by myself, it's really not an issue." - then you should believe that, and not continue worrying that she's secretly annoyed.

I am really sorry, and sad, that you feel this way. It's such a hard thing to struggle with. I hope my advice made sense, and that it's something you can work on, because my guess is that you're very very worthwhile, and that you have a lot to offer the people in your life! Have you thought about talking to a counselor for some help figuring out this stuff?