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My T asked me when I might give him my self-harm stuff. I thought long and hard about it and I took it and gave it to him today. It was scary and Ive been nervous all day even afterward. Im happy I did it. I was afraid I would feel bad after it was gone because for so long its been my source of power and relief. But, Im ready to give it up. I have more power over my life. Yes, Im still having episodes but I think I can control myself in other ways now that Im learning DBT and have a great T.

He said he was really proud of me and that he wanted to cry. I teared up too. I cant believe I did it. It may seem trivial to some, but I know what it means for me. He gave me the choice of him holding onto it or him throwing it away. I told him I don't want it back. I wrote ten pages about it in my journal-arguing with myself the pros and cons of having that stuff. My bipolar is leveling out it seems and I feel good about myself today.

Im tearing up now thinking about it.