Sorry to hear you are feeling so depressed. I am surprised you did not use a trigger icon to protect those that may be easily thrown into a trauma state by the thoughts you are expressing in your post.

Sorry to hear you are feeling anxiety and depression. Those can be big challenges especially when you have to get through another day of work. Sounds like your meds doctor is not needs to change something. If you think your meds are not as effective as they could be let them know. A therapist can be an important resource for recovery.

People with suicidal thoughts are strongly encouraged to form a safety plan as described here:
Psych Central - Search results for Suicide safety plan

Getting sleep may be the single one thing that keeps me in balance. If you are not sleeping or having bad side affects, tell your doctor or psychiatrist when you can see them and tell them what is happening so they can make adjustments.

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.