Honesty from the bottom of my heart does wonders for me in therapy, honestly it does

And I understand your anxiety around going into depth with this topic ... however, somewhere in the back of your mind please remember that your T is a trained professional in this area and does have the knowledge and expertise in order to help you.

I like the way you have been genuine and sincere in this post; and even if you express to your T what you have said here "terrified" .... "ashamed" etc, these are emotions that your T can help you start working on.

Please let us know how you go with your T.