I ****ing die and kill for my mother. Not in a psychotic rage illegal way, but as in my mom has me to my dying breath and I still watch out for her. My sister the same my father my best friends. I'd fight everything for them.

I almost had a daughter years ago but even though her life been **** with her mother and my messed up situation. I knew my true parent came out when my focus was on her at that time and it taught me a huge lesson my mother couldn't teach me. How to show give and receive love to and from your child! And respect their opinion and set an example not self destruct and let your son pick up the pieces alone without any parent to guide them.

Why I bring this up? She stole money from me for her gambling addiction her self loathing and lack of motivation is ********. I ****ing hate her doing this she directly hurts me by telling me how horrible I am when all I want is to make her proud.

You know why love is hell for me when dating happens. Yes I have mommy and daddy issues so what? My dad set a great example and my mother except on emotional maturity I out done both of them on that part and they dog me for being crazy and weak, but deep down they know I'm smart damn smart and confident too that I'm not weak.

They had their issues and I don't shame them why should I? I'm a **** up too, but no reason to hate you or disown you. I know I am this way because once my parents are gone all that attention I have is gone that feeling unconditional love gushiness will gone all gone replaced by grief. And I'm better than that but can't my mom see I am! That she doesn't know that money didn't make me not forgive you money is monetary and useless no matter what the price. It was when she turned her back on me when a 4 year old boy like me needed her more than any other time my life was in danger and no adult I could trust or go to except my parents and they denied me and blew me off like I didn't know.

That scar never left me and I still feel betrayed. I was repeatedly beaten raped tortured and mutilated in a small town of sociopathic sheltered white trash kids and their trashed families beating me senseless. I had a gun pointed to my face being told how unlucky I am and no one cared. Hard to believe. I hate talking about it because I sound so fake and ******** and it's not. I had the worst things you could imagine with drug addict parents of friends with heroin, alcohol whatever and people who were so deranged that I was a ****** human being for being raped repeatedly and beaten by their 12 year old son and that I'm a liar and trying to ruin his life. **** I'm 4 to 8 years old at the time why do I care about that. I needed a direction from a mother and father who would save me, but no I found out I get nothing.

That's what I told her yesterday. When I found out she could be in prison for a felony fraud in my account if I wanted to. But I'm not vengeful, I want the weight of her sins to crush her and stop being fake and love me.

That's what my problem is with my mother.