I went to the doctor today for a check up and I always thought I had something wrong with the weird feel in my chest. It feels weird and makes things worse for me to think about. I have to get xrays now because she says I have a heart murmur or something. I usually drink to cope lately. I can't relax.

I don't know why I keep looking at girls online. There is no point because I am never good enough for any of them and I only seem to like girls who are bad like me. Low self-esteem. I hate being me. Also it's just that relationships and people are just bothersome to me. People feel like work and I don't like to work. Can I hurry up and die already