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LettinG0 · Jun 12, 2015, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chickenkicker

It was regrettable why my adopted parents chose to expend negative energy in beating me down instead of looking for help for me. But if I wanted to move forward I had to climb out of the hateful pit I was wallowing in and realize the reason they didn't...was because they had issues too. I couldn't very well expect sympathy for me...if I wasn't going to give it to them. Hating someone for all this felt good, but it stopped my forward progress and was a wasteful waste of time and energy that, at the end of the day, didn't accomplish shite.

I had two sets of parents, adoptive and blood. Even with 4 of them I couldn't get any quality parenting. I chased down my birth parents when I was 40...THEN I finally saw the generations of dysfunction that led down to me. My birth mother never wanted to meet me, and didn't before she passed. I found a full brother and full sister that were born to them after giving me up for adoption, and a half sister too. We compared birth certificates after we met and with what they heard through the years from various family member slip-ups there may be twin girls out there somewhere also. Great. More dysfunctional logs for the fire.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda: that obsessive nonsense will drive you insane if its allowed to lie there in your mind and fester. There was a truckload of drama and dysfunction that had accumulated around me in 58yrs, but I had to make a choice: either pull up a chair, sit in the middle of this shite, become part of it and ride it out to the end trying to appear happy with my lot in life, or get up on the wheel and pitch the entire stinking black gooey mess in that truck to take wherever the mental hazardous waste landfill in your mind is...and dump it.

I'll be 62 in August. I've had more quality of life in the last 4yrs after crashing and finally getting the treatment I've needed than in the previous 58. I hope like hell none of you have to waste that much time to find peace.

Well, I have wasted a lot of them (I am 50) and sometimes find it easier to just 'sit in the shite' til the end.....but something inside me won't give up. I keep fighting to find a way to be stable and have some peace. Thanks for sharing your story. It is inspirational!