Please know that I am not judging you, I also was married 2 times before this one. I do wonder if you are really in love or just accepting what sounds like really bad treatment because of ???? IDK why you would stay with someone who is putting you through "hell on earth", YOUR words, not mine.

You are still young, you still have a chance to spend your life with someone who cherishes you. Please consider getting some counseling. You deserve a good life, we all do. Bug hug!