The hell is financial. Too many bills, not enough income. No stable housing. But that is all life is hell. If it ever gets good, it'll probably be the day I die.

2nd husband didn't like working, his parents paid our mortgage than comes the divorce they screwed me out of my share of the house, and stole my child. Only waited until after she was through with potty training than tried to undo that, after all their adopted daughter wasn't trained until kindergarten. He and his wife live in a townhouse, which he wouldn't consider when I as his wife suggested it.

He still only works a part time job, he remarried a sugar mama. But his family loves her, after all they don't have to support him anymore.

1st husband had affairs and then backhanded me when I confronted him. He and his wife is why my son killed himself, she hated him was abusive to him to the point of breaking his wrist, my son was half white after all.

His dad couldn't see him he said because of the snow, is what my son called to tell me from his foster home, because at that time I was crazy. However, his dad made it to his funeral which was a snowy day in Dec. Of course she didn't attend.

So as far as hell, right now it's emotional mostly, my family cutting me out because they are sick of my roller coaster life, compared to their wonderfully successful lives.

It hurts not gonna lie, but it's not the first time they've done it. See my mom loves money more than anything. It's never how are you doing,it's when are you going to repay me? I owe her about $800, misc stuff, but the truth is I always owe her for something.

See the shared dog got hit by a car, my fault because its always my fault, so I have to pay her back her half of the dog, plus expenses (for example). Somehow paying her is more important than getting myself housing.

I don't know what I want or who I am anymore. No idea why I'm here on Earth. Motherhood hasn't worked out, my dream of being a career person is a joke; I'm too flighty, can't focus. I can't do anything right, and I'm just a failure.