I know how you feel about the upkeep. Wow, I didn't know that there were people that felt like me when it comes to maintaining relationships. I was just complaining about this yesterday haha, and I was talking about this with my therapist on Wednesday. I don't know what it is. I don't feel depressed and I'm not going through a depressive episode so that's not it. Maybe, it has something to do with my past? Maybe, it was something I learned in the past in dealing with people and it just became a habit? Maybe, it became a habit that is now a difficulty? I've been trying to figure this out lately. I've cut out all of my friends (told them I would be out of touch for a while), and I feel a lot of anxiety in reaching out to them again. I don't know. I just wish I knew why I have so much trouble in maintaining my relationships.