"is it normal to randomly attempt suicide and being totally aware of what you're doing but dont exactly have control over your body and actions ? does this make sense?"

I tend to use the word "normal" quite subjectively because as you already know we're all pretty unique. So what fits for one doesn't fit for another.

But in answering your question - honestly? I know you've been messed around with meds in the past .... but I'd urge you to see a psychiatrist for an assessment / diagnosis (or not) for BPD ....

That can give you a referral if need be to a psychologist who can work with you to give you strategies to manage these symptoms (it concerns me that you attempt that with "little control over your body"

Hope this helps.