I probably won't do it. Or if I do, take just a small amount. But, I hate that I can't. Know what I mean?

There are so many "rules" or things that you must do to be stable. I just can't see following every rule to the end of my life.

I am on meds and am sleeping and eating and avoiding too much alcohol or coffee or anything too stimulating.

I am setting a bad example and being a whiner. But it is just a weird life.