Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
I've had some patterns similar to yours. I really feel for you. It sounds like you make a lot of effort to try and better your life, but end up not getting much return on your investment. Like volunteering and going to the meetups . . . that's you doing a lot to enlarge your life and contact with others. I'm very sorry it hasn't yielded better friendships. I get that your emotional health is precarious and that you are in danger of deteriorating if you lose the human contact you have, unsatisfying though it is. I don't believe you're exaggerating in the least.
As an adult, I've attracted people who see that I tend to meet others' needs and have some need that they can use me for. A few years ago, I burned out so bad on this that I started letting relationships go by the boards.
Your situation with this guy who wakes you in the morning to bring him food sounds very dispiriting. Do you consider him a boyfriend/lover? Being involved with him might be creating an impediment to you finding someone who would reciprocate more. If the relationship is not an intimate one, then maybe you could be a little less available to hop up to do for him. He's not going to pick up on any hints. Coming out and saying "No" to him might not have the dire consequences that you imagine, which I gather is that you fear he will drop his connection with you altogether. You are paying too high of a price for what you are getting, but I realize that you do know that already.
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Thanks for your reply, for understanding my fears and sharing some of your story.
Oh, yes, the burnout! I'm sorry if some of the relationships you let go during burn out were positive and if they were hope you can reconnect with them. I totally relate to the burn out.
So sorry if my wording was off. He doesn't have me bring him food he invites me out to eat. But I've told him I don't have the money to spend and even when I have more money I don't think eating out all the time is healthy. It's just weird that he calls every day and asks the same thing. It's like he doesn't care about hanging out with me specifically. He's really emotionally immature but he's also really passive so he doesn't pitch a fit when he doesn't get what he wants from me.
I'm in this odd place now where I can see what I'm doing. I like the distraction. I don't like feeling annoyed (grossed out when he's grunting and groaning on the phone for example) but I like having something to be annoyed about that isn't myself. Half of our interaction is lame and unappealing to me (I don't want to hear his last night's dream in detail) but the other half has been enjoyable (tho I think at some point I just won't like him).
As much as I can say he does this and that and I don't like it (no one likes to be talking and mid sentence notice the person they are talking to is answering an email on their phone) I also know I'm using him!!! That's what's so confusing for me. I don't think of myself as someone that uses people and it doesn't feel good.