I had one depression different than all others when I had to come off my other antidepressant (imipramine) so I could go on an MAOI. Usually you have to be off for 2 weeks between but IP I was able to have one day off between. The plan was a 6 week taper and I had everything worked out to be off work for 2 weeks and I expected to be doing pretty well by that time. I didn't expect to be that bad coming off the AD. Ha! My goal went from 6 weeks to "please God get me through this week". I contacted my pdoc and said it was time to go in when I realized that I was sitting there treating my patients and instead of focusing on them I was just thinking "I just want to die. I cannot keep living like this. I hate everything. I just want to die". That was when I knew my goal was not going to work and so I had to tell everyone at work that I had to be off a week (2 weeks?) sooner and then I was IP longer than expected so I took a 3rd week off.

I've had many times I've planned to just make it whatever date and then I'd get treatment and be ok. I just did that last week in fact. If I'd not been so close to my pdoc visit I know my therapist would have hospitalized me. That worked out.

When it didn't work out I definitely knew.

Does that even make sense?