hey sweet Crusader. I was just rambling on again. Just of...yesterday, i think, i haven't been in the good moods i have been in for the past few weeks.

anyway, all i was saying by that was about how my si all got out to my family and such. in the back of my mind this whole year, i've been secretly wanting for someone just to turn me in. even if that would've killed our friendship or what not. it's not that easy for me to ask for help, and i wasn't that desperate. but it seems to me, that we all have that one friend that knows and is just kinda dissappointed when they see new cuts or what not, and i played my si down to my friends. just tell them it's not that bad, or i could've done worse, or i was just bored. i've just wished that someone would care enough to have said something, or done something.

i eventually was turned in, by someone halfway across the country. long story. with the distance, he couldn't really prove anything, so when the cops came to my door, i showed them the smaller cut, not the larger one still bleeding. well, 3 weeks ago, i quit seeing the therapist that i've seen only 5 times since june. apparently, from the way things are going now, it didn't work. probably b/c i'm supposed to instantly learn to trust this guy with all of my info. yeah, right. most of what i told him was lies.

well now, i'm still waiting for someone to say something. and after 3 years of not maintaining a steady weight, it's breaking me down. so that's my pity story. i think i've wasted enough time and space. this probably doesn't make sense either. anything i need to clarify, just ask. lots of hugs...nite.