I have a very strong tendency to obsessiveness and what I've learned for myself is that obsessiveness is a kind of perspective on life. When a certain issue arises for you over and over and over, a painful issue, then it makes life look a certain way. It makes that issue seem urgent and like the top priority, and eclipses other important issues. It affects how you think of healthiness and well-being. It can define your life.

So, I don't mean to impose my experience on yours, but for what it's worth I think you are dealing with a kind of obsessiveness. It's not just thoughts coming up from OCD, but a kind of background sense that keeps telling you "You must have an identity!" and this background sense doesn't leave you alone. It doesn't give you a break, and it's defining your perspective on life.

It's quite possible that if you manage to shift your attention off this issue for a time, you will find new satisfying areas of life, and although the issue may remain unresolved, you may find you can make satisfying progress on it.

Let me know if this seems completely off base.