I guess I didn't realize I was doing so poorly until my husband had the inpatient conversation with me. And he was really serious about it. Ready to take me in right away if I agreed it was a good idea (of course I said no. I hate inpatient. I'd have to be taken kicking and screaming, which is what happened last time, except without the kicking and screaming part, just with police officers and an ambulance and a lot of people asking me if I was going to cooperate. That got quite annoying. How can you not cooperate when there are two police officers standing right there. I felt a little intimidated, and I didn't want to make a huge fuss over it because I didn't want to wake up our daughter. And I was pretty sedated, after taking all that medication.)

Anyway, so I WILL be able to make it.

And hopefully I'll be off my clonazepam by then (since they don't prescribe benzos. Assholes). I've already reduced my dose to 1mg a day. Plan on going to .5mg next week maybe. I can really feel it. Not in a bad way necessarily. I have paranoia/anxiety attacks at roughly the same times every day. Between three and four in the afternoon, and then after work. I've been pushing myself through the afternoon paranoia without taking a clonazepam, but I'm still taking one at night.

Today will be interesting because I'm working an eight to four shift instead of a noon to eight, so I'm going to be getting home at around the time of a paranoia/anxiety attack.

I woke up at three in the morning today with mild racing thoughts and couldn't get back to sleep.

I feel like my husband is watching me like a hawk. I got up eventually and started making coffee and all of a sudden he was right there. Jeez. It's just one morning not being able to sleep. I could see if it was several days in a row to be worried.

What I'm wondering about this new clinic is if they prescribe sleeping medications and ADHD medications, or if they're just anti-benzo for whatever reason.

Don't they prescribe ADHD meds to seven year olds?

And they can't prescribe a benzo to an adult?

Makes sense to me. Not really.

I already hate this new pdoc, and I haven't even met her yet. Lol.

Sorry. Don't mean to ramble and somewhat rant.

Before I eventually got up I had this really beautiful image in my head of all the stars up in the sky (like a sky filled with stars, not with most of them hidden by street lights and stuff), and I was watching myself standing there, staring up at them, and then everything started to spin, and when it stopped I spread my arms, and all the stars fell down around me and everything just kind of froze.