Quote:
Originally Posted by raspberrytorte
I guess I didn't realize I was doing so poorly until my husband had the inpatient conversation with me. And he was really serious about it. Ready to take me in right away if I agreed it was a good idea (of course I said no. I hate inpatient. I'd have to be taken kicking and screaming, which is what happened last time, except without the kicking and screaming part, just with police officers and an ambulance and a lot of people asking me if I was going to cooperate. That got quite annoying. How can you not cooperate when there are two police officers standing right there. I felt a little intimidated, and I didn't want to make a huge fuss over it because I didn't want to wake up our daughter. And I was pretty sedated, after taking all that medication.)
Anyway, so I WILL be able to make it.
And hopefully I'll be off my clonazepam by then (since they don't prescribe benzos. Assholes). I've already reduced my dose to 1mg a day. Plan on going to .5mg next week maybe. I can really feel it. Not in a bad way necessarily. I have paranoia/anxiety attacks at roughly the same times every day. Between three and four in the afternoon, and then after work. I've been pushing myself through the afternoon paranoia without taking a clonazepam, but I'm still taking one at night.
Today will be interesting because I'm working an eight to four shift instead of a noon to eight, so I'm going to be getting home at around the time of a paranoia/anxiety attack.
I woke up at three in the morning today with mild racing thoughts and couldn't get back to sleep.
I feel like my husband is watching me like a hawk. I got up eventually and started making coffee and all of a sudden he was right there. Jeez. It's just one morning not being able to sleep. I could see if it was several days in a row to be worried.
What I'm wondering about this new clinic is if they prescribe sleeping medications and ADHD medications, or if they're just anti-benzo for whatever reason.
Don't they prescribe ADHD meds to seven year olds?
And they can't prescribe a benzo to an adult?
Makes sense to me. Not really.
I already hate this new pdoc, and I haven't even met her yet. Lol.
Sorry. Don't mean to ramble and somewhat rant.
Before I eventually got up I had this really beautiful image in my head of all the stars up in the sky (like a sky filled with stars, not with most of them hidden by street lights and stuff), and I was watching myself standing there, staring up at them, and then everything started to spin, and when it stopped I spread my arms, and all the stars fell down around me and everything just kind of froze.
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It's not uncommon to grasp the magnitude of how unwell we are until such time as a (sometimes subjective) 2nd opinion is given to us by someone who knows us well enough, that's just my personal opinion. And yes, I'm pretty sure he was serious about it, because when the conversation starts heading towards IP - well, that is a serious conversation indeed. You're not the first and you're not the last probably to go IP without making it clearly noted you don't want to go. Pends where your headsapce is at I guess if it's pretty clear to others you are a danger to yourself then well yes they'll drag you off kicking and screaming, unfortunately.
You said:
Anyway, so I WILL be able to make it.
Again, your positive mindset here stands you in great stead it really does.
Ughh not having benzos suck if you need them. Hey I didn't know IP doesn't give benzos what the hell? Hmmm what do they do with patients that are on benzos then? Very logical (insert sarcasm). The last place I was at - govt legislation changed when the new Health Act came out last year - no smoking whatsoever in the garden outside the psych ward (prior to that well yes patients could). Well suffice to say the doctors / nurses honestly didn't care - alot of the patients just continued to smoke they just turned a blind eye. The nurses on call, when we were smoking outside, would literally just come sit on the bench and chat with us. All weird yes I agree but the rationale behind it one of my nurses told me is that if you chuck a bunch of smokers in a psych ward and remove their cigarettes well that is not going to end well
I'll buy into that theory ...
Meant I could smoke. Doesn't make it right though.
It's worth the try to see if you can taper down the clonazepam then - if that's what you want - is your pdoc giving you free reign on the dose there? You're managing to push through the afternoon paranoia so that's good at least.
Try not to worry about the anticipation of your work schedule today and the 'timing' of the attack ... you don't want a self fulfilling prophecy - if that's when your anxiety is at its worse - well, *hold thumbs* you'll be round about getting home by then.
Disrupted sleep sucks. How long has that been going on for?
The reality is you might be right - your husband might be watching you "like a hawk" and that might not be paranoia - but if he is it's just because he's concerned about you. He doesn't want to see anything bad happen to you.
Can you phone the clinic today and ask them if they prescribe sleeping medications and ADHD medications? One less thing for you to think about then once you get the answer. Hopefully.
Yes, I do personally know 7 year olds on ADHD meds. There's a variety of reasons (I only know the educational background ones) so honestly I can't even comment on what the policy / rationale behind the policy at a psych ward is. Guess you can ask your clinic.
So if they don't prescribe benzos at the clinic, dunno. You'd have to ask. Might just be their policy. There's a few reasons behind that but what about benzo withdrawal side effects that's the only thing I'm thinking cos I didn't think they were supposed to be stopped abruptly.
Haha well yes, hating your new pdoc and you haven't met her, well let's just say okay and go with this theory
After all she wrote the benzo policy all by herself for the clinic
Of course!