So I've been struggling lately with the fact that my boyfriend has this online female friend.

Six months ago my boyfriend told me that he had been talking to another woman online and had kept it from me for two months. They had even gone as far as Skyping each other before he told me which I feel is inappropriate. His excuse was that he was lonely and drunk because I was out of town. great. He even sent her a picture of me without my permission which upsets me as I have extremely low self esteem and she is much prettier than me. She has boyfriend and they have all Skype chatted together before but I still can't help but feel there is something more there.

At first we agreed that the Skyping was inappropriate as it made me uncomfortable but after awhile I just gave in and told him to do whatever he wanted. They Skype like once every week or two and snap chat together every other day. I'm trying so hard to be understanding as he really doesn't have many friends and he deserves human connection. He keeps trying to get me to Skype with him and meet her and her boyfriend which I feel sick about. I have social anxiety, general anxiety and avoidant personality disorder (I think). I keep putting it off and I'm worried that she thinks I'm a ***** because of it. I just feel so insecure.

Last night they Skype for the first time while I was home and I got really upset about it. Most of this is just kept behind my back and I pretend it doesn't happen so it was really hard to listen to them talk. My boyfriend and I got into it a bit afterwards and then he mentioned that she talked about her and her boyfriend having a threesome and now I'm even more insecure about everything. I'm spiralling into a habit of crazy awful thoughts and the urge to SI which I am failing to overcome.

I keep ruminating and worrying. What else do they talk about? Do they talk about me? Is she inappropriate with him? . I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't feel good about this whole situation even though I'm trying so hard. I'm very self destructive and feeling so badly about myself. Our relationship has been rocky lately and I'm worried that I'm just pushing him away in to her arms. I feel like he gets emotional support from her that I can't provide.

Anyways.. so sorry for the novel. I just needed to get this out. Any thoughts or suggestions to deal with this? Anyone go through a similar situation ? Am I being crazy like I feel I am? I know that all of this is probably innocent and this is probably more my problem than anything aside from him keeping it from me at the start.