I'm so sorry that you feel the need to conceal the real you. It sounds like your background brought you to do that. From birth, the true you (a girl) was not wanted. With your parents fighting, it sounds like you were afraid to speak, which also makes sense under the circumstances. What would have happened when you were younger if you ever said what you really thought? How about now?

What about your posting here: to what extent are you telling us what you really think? How does it feel for you to speak here?