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Old Jun 13, 2015, 06:26 PM
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ameliaxxx ameliaxxx is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Earth
Posts: 177
Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within View Post
This thread has had an interesting effect on me and I feel like sharing so here goes. Looking for (and finding) a pic of someone who looks quite similar to my t, posting it and then subsequently deleting the post, I felt, well, it sorta made me start missing her again, but in a different sort of way than I used to miss her before. When I used to miss her before, it was more I think, because I had projected so much onto her during our work together (mother stuff, grandmother stuff, blablabla) the "missing her" was somehow all tangled up with them? Or something? And that's why the missing her used to be so intense?? I don't know. But when we spent that little bit of time together again last month, I didn't have those projections in place anymore, and I was seeing and experiencing her as just "her" and nothing more, and it was such an honest and warm conversation.... that I'm missing her now in a "I'm so glad we got that chance -I am so lucky to have had her as my t - wistful, happy sigh" kind of a way. Does that make any sense?

I love it when a seemingly random thread inspires some good inner workings in me!!

I don't find my transference going away... And at the same time, I DON'T want it too. I used I feel so guilty about it and I tried to be in denial. But now that I am more aware of it, and that I kinda told her, I'm worried it's going to end. And I'm worried I'll be too clingy and push her away. Or that I'll move on... Which is the whole idea. But I don't want to. As much as I want to get better, I don't want to because then it'll end. And I won't feel a need for that intense transference with her anymore. Blah.

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Love, Amelia