tl;dr- I have bipolar type 2 and didn't realize I've been having derealization my whole life until recently. I do not want to try to self diagnose as having an actual dissociative disorder and do not want that from anyone else. I'm wondering if anyone knows the difference between actual derealization/depersonalization disorder and just having derealization as a symptom of bipolar disorder.

I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2 for about 3 and a half years now. I do strongly believe in that diagnosis, as much of the research I've done on it resonates strongly with the symptoms I'd been having for years. But I've also always felt like there is something else going on that no one could identify. Of course I go through mood swings and shifts, but no one could explain the other things I deal with. I've been saying for years that I feel like I'm always constantly in a fog. I've used the phrase "like I'm looking at the world through a fish bowl" so many times I've lost count, along with saying that nothing feels real. It's almost impossible for me to engage in whatever is happening outside my body because it doesn't feel real to me. Like, I physically and mentally have a hard time moving and interacting with *anything* because I feel like there's just a disconnect between my mind/body and the outside world that everyone else sees. I have ADHD-PI as well and some of these symptoms seem to overlap, like the one I'm most concerned about: Without even realizing what I'm doing, I'll sit and stare at one spot on the floor for 30 minutes without moving and then suddenly come back to reality and not have any idea what's been going on in my head the whole time. The same thing happens when I drive, or basically any time it wants to it seems. I've never been able to keep a real job and I haven't had "traditional employment" in a year now. I get in trouble for being so "spacey" and "careless" all the time but I can't make it better, no matter how hard I try.

While the mood swings do suck, this "disconnect" is basically the worst thing I can imagine dealing with besides another physical ailment. Aside from employment trouble, I have a hard time keeping up friendships because most days, I just can't interact with people. Even if it's someone I know that I love or really enjoy the company of, I just can't interact. I try as hard as I can but I can't seem to catch everything that someone says to me. Even if it's just a three sentence statement or story, I realize halfway through that I haven't retained anything that they've said to me and have no idea what they're now talking about. And that's on top of me not being able to find the words to say anyway. I've told my doctor all of this and she's always just kind of sympathetically shrugged her shoulders and acted like it was a mystery, kind of like it wasn't even a big enough issue to deal with. It hurts to be shrugged off like that because it's made me feel, for years, like I'm the only person who deals with this and it's probably something I'm doing wrong that's causing it.

The other day, I got so overwhelmed by the idea that I might have to spend my future in this constant fog where nothing outside of myself feels real that I just had to find something. I eventually found derealization/depersonalization disorder, and this flag just went up in my mind. I found that derealization can sometimes be a feature of bipolar disorder, but I can't seem to be able to find the difference between actual D/DD and just having derealization as a symptom.

In no way am I looking for a diagnosis from anyone except my doctor. I'm just wondering what your experiences have been like with getting a diagnosis, your treatment, or any information you might be able to share about the difference between the actual disorder vs. a related symptom of another disorder. Any information would be really great. Thanks all!